And She Loved A Little Boy Very, Very Much…

3 02 2018

Tomorrow is our foster son’s last visit with his bio mom.

Last week we had court. A judge sat behind his bench waiting to decide the fate of three families, two sets of parents, and one little boy.

What had been anticipated to be a 1-2 day trial turned into a court session that ran over an hour behind then only lasted 30 minutes.

We lived miracles last week.

The day before court we had mediation with bio mom. She came into the meeting contesting the Termination of Parental Rights (TPR). But after speaking with us and I’m sure many sleepless nights considering her options, in the end, she decided to consent to the termination of her rights and agree to the adoption of her precious little boy.

I’m still unsure how to process that scene. We sat across the table and watched as the court document was signed. I still have trouble wrapping my head around the concept that a SIGNATURE is all it takes to sever those ties. It looks so simple, but was oh so amazingly swift and final.

I hugged her and thanked her. I acknowledged her sacrifice. I’ve learned that love comes in so many ways. She showed an act of love I’m not capable of.

We got word earlier that morning that bio dad’s attorney was asking for a continuance. Someone else hadn’t done their job correctly. So we expected the next morning to bring consent and TPR for bio mom and a continuance for bio dad.

While we waited. I sat with my son’s bio mom. She sat alone on one of the hardest days of her life and I couldn’t ignore that. Maybe I was the last person she wanted to see or talk to. I don’t know. But I asked questions about the children we share. How they got their names. Who they take after. What kinds of things she was going to do with the baby on his last few visits. Our parent aide has agreed to record her playing with the baby and sending me the videos so I can hold on to them for my children.

That hour they ran behind? Bio dad’s guardian ad litem and the court worked some things out and the GAL consented on bio dad’s behalf. I was surprised, too, when bio dad’s sister told me they were happy with how things were working out. She hugged me after court was done. I couldn’t believe we had the support from both sides of the family.

In the end, I couldn’t comprehend – I still can’t – the enormity of her loss. To gain my son, another mother LOST hers. But going through this journey with her for almost two years, the Lord has provided many opportunities for me to understand, to a small degree, the heart crushing cost to one mother so another could raise the child they both loved.

I wanted something special for this last visit. I used his footprints for this card and  included the actual footprints with it so she has those too.

It’s so incredibly inadequate, but it’s all I have.

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8 responses

3 02 2018
Hisrealmother

I hope you get run over by a truck

3 02 2018
ajdurrant

I struggled with whether or not to let this post. But in the end, i approved the reply.

It’s an interesting response that took me off guard. But judging from your name and your words, I can only assume you’re hurting. Maybe letting your voice be heard here will give you some measure peace if you feel you haven’t been heard in some other avenue of your life.
Thank you for caring enough to comment.

3 02 2018
Carlita

I’ve watched as you’ve walked this journey the last few years. I am humbled by the compassion and and the pain you have shown for your kids’ mother. It would be easy to be angry with her for choices she has made but you choose compassion. This shows your amazing heart and the hearts of your children and husband. You are doing life right. It may not always feel that way but know that others see it.

3 02 2018
ajdurrant

Thank you friend. I appreciate your kind words. You’re doing life right, too 🙂

3 02 2018
michellezerull

I am so moved by your post. I have never been in your situation and I cannot imagine what those involved must be feeling. You created a beautiful keepsake for that woman. Many people would not be so gracious.

3 02 2018
ajdurrant

Thank you. Kindness keeps doors open. There’s no reason for my children to completely lose their history and culture. If the adults can work together we can limit loss for the biological family and the children by putting the kids first.

3 02 2018
MLBFuqua

I am constantly amazed but the story of your journey. I pray everyday for your children, their biological parents and you and your husband. Note I said your children and I didn’t distinguish which ones. Parenting in all its forms is not for the weak. Sometimes you have to be strong enough to hold on and sometimes strong enough to let go. None of us know what we would do in these situations because there but for grace….. As for the first post… while you are wishing destruction I am going to touch and agree in praying your peace and the lifting of your pain. Keep doing you ajdurrant and in all things may God be glorified.

3 02 2018
ajdurrant

Thank you.
Parenting isn’t for the weak and we all need each other 🙂

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